Monday, August 13, 2007

Throw Up And Go To Sleep: Why There Are No Paranoid Lunatic Conspiracy Theorists

On one hand you've got this "election integrity" thing -- not a "coalition" or a "movement" but an illness, a dementia, really: all these paranoid lunatics who say our elections aren't free and fair just because they're run on machines that give the voter no way to verify that his vote was counted correctly, without leaving a paper trail, only totals tabulated by secret software that can easily be hacked, and because millions of people are illegally prevented from voting, and millions of other votes aren't even counted, and blah blah blah.

Look, I'm sorry but I can't listen to it anymore; it puts me to sleep.

On the other hand you've got these "9/11 truth" conspiracy theorists who say "the twin towers didn't collapse, they disintegrated" and "the NIST report calls itself a whitewash with its 'low probability of occurrence' nonsense" and "the FBI has no evidence implicating Osama bin Laden in the attacks of 9/11" and all sorts of other cheap-shots against the victims and their families. How disgraceful can you get?

Then they turn around and ask hateful and irrelevant questions like "Why did the President just sit there and listen to those kids read?" and "Where was the Air Force when all this was happening?" and they just go on and on and on. It's been going on for almost six years now and I can't listen to another word of it.

How could anyone be so unpatriotic? Can you imagine? It makes me want to throw up.

You would think, if you were inclined to think at all, that these two rabid and radical nut-bar fringe groups would fit together, so to speak. In other words, you would expect to see a lot of paranoid lunatic conspiracy theorists. But you don't, or at least I don't.

Look at this:

The text at the bottom may be hard to read: it says
DEMAND: Impeachment & Treason Trials | End The War | Restore The Bill Of Rights | A New 9/11 Investigation
Quite a laundry list, don't you think? We could talk about this insanity for a long time. But here's the key question: Do you see anything here about elections?

Of course not! This "General Strike" nonsense comes from from conspiracy theorists; I know! it makes you sick to your stomach, doesn't it? but hang on! -- just for the sake of discussion, have a look at this:

Look closely. The people who designed these buttons are paranoid lunatics, but they're not conspiracy theorists. You can see that, can't you?

And it's not hard to see because we've come to expect it. But my question today is a harder one:


Why don't we see "Election Integrity" and "9/11 Truth" in the same place?

I think I know the answer.


Say what you like about the paranoid lunatics; they're not stupid. At least some of them aren't. They know their paranoid lunacy is not reality so they shy away from anything that might "tarnish" what they call their "credibility". They stick to known facts rather than wild speculation, and rightly so, in my opinion.

In other words it's a known fact that electronic voting machines can be hacked; that's been proven by Ivy League scientists and everything. It's solid. There's no conspiracy theory about it. This is fundamental, and decisive; some would say divisive. In any case, it's completely different from all the ridiculous conspiracy theories about the Islamo-Fascist terrorist attacks of 9/11, 7/7, and so on.

The conspiracy nuts aren't gonna like this, because it blows all their insane theories out of the water, but recently unreleased documents confirm Khalid Sheikh Mohammed scheduled more than a dozen simultaneous US Air Force wargames for the day of 9/11. He did it by cellphone from a cave in Afghanistan using a codebook found by an al-Q'aeda operative on a public bus in Switzerland. The CIA has just confirmed all this based on records from a wireless server they impounded from an internet cafe in the Hindu Kush.

Or at least that's what they say. The actual details of the calls themselves are redacted for national security reasons. But it sounds reasonable to me. I couldn't read the source document, even if it were unclassified -- I haven't got time, and it's probably in Urdu anyway.

More to the point, would the CIA lie about something like this? I don't think so, unless it were a part of an official disinformation campaign, and as I understand it they don't do those anymore, because disinformation campaigns are now categorized as unofficial.

So that's it! And I'm glad it's settled, because it was the only remaining question; by now I think it's pretty well accepted -- even among the most rabid wackos on the frothing fringe of the increasingly gullible conspiracy community -- that Osama bin Laden personally appointed Philip Zelikow to head the independent investigation after Henry Kissinger recused himself to pursue less lucrative but more patriotic service opportunities. So that pretty much settles it, unless I've missed something.

Of course it doesn't really matter whether I've missed anything or not, because the conspiracy theorists will surely come up with something else; they always do. Can you believe it? Next they'll be claiming important events have been reported before they even happened.

But it's all hogwash, demented hogwash from demented conspiratorial minds, and even the paranoid lunatics want nothing to do with them. I wouldn't either.

For their part, the conspiracy theorists are afraid of being associated with paranoid lunatics, and this, too, is perfectly understandable, I think.

If you were a conspiracy theorist trying to drum up popular support for a laundry-list of ridiculous, treasonous demands -- a hard-left pro-terrorist manifesto, as it were -- would you include any word or phrase that fairly screamed out "PARANOID LUNATICS HERE"?

I wouldn't either, and it's a good thing too, because if all the paranoid lunatics and all the conspiracy theorists ever got out in the streets together -- on September 11, 2007, for example -- it just might encourage them to stay a while.

And that would be very bad, both for America and for me personally.

It would be bad for America for many reasons but primarily because it would show the American people how widespread mental illness is in this country, and how common delusional thinking has become. It might also give them dangerous ideas about the power of the government and the consent of the governed and possible relations between the two.

It would also be bad for me personally, because I'm a news-hound. I read several short news articles per week, and I'm afraid if there were a big, long general strike by a coalition of paranoid lunatics and conspiracy theorists, the media would start covering them. And if I have to read about paper ballots and false flag terror one more time, I think I'm gonna throw up and go to sleep.

Normally, I don't like writing about myself and my own personal reactions to things, but in this case it's "fitting and proper", as Abe Lincoln would say ... because what's bad for me personally ... is bad for America!

This is Winter Patriot reporting, from ...
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